Take it from someone who used to be the queen of negativity and is still learning how to be positive, negativity sucks.
It adds no real value, it drains you and eventually, it makes people avoid you.
One time my sister said she could not listen to me because she was trying to protect her energy.
What has helped me so far would be
Feeding my mind information that empowers me to be positive:
I know this is an area I need to work on so, I consciously gather books, listen to podcasts, or read blogs and medium
You cannot win personal development battles like growing positivity without having ammunition. When those negative thoughts flood back, you need to have something to say back and replace them write-ups.
For example, when I think to myself “Diamond, you are such a lousy person, so inconsistent and lazy”, I remember the words of Paul Allen “as a man thinketh, so is he” and I immediately correct my thoughts.
2. Surrounding myself with positive people:
My two best friends are very positive people.
When I tell them I want to do so something, they say “Go for it”, when I say “it won’t work out”, they remind me I am being negative and what I say is what will happen.
They are always so positive with the things they want to do.
You cannot be a positive person when everyone around you is a negative person.
Energy is contagious.
3. Giving up my worry:
I used to be an expert worrier. Now, I am learning not to worry.
Instead of worrying, I am learning to focus on what I can do in any situation. I also focus on the things I can control and the things I can’t, I don’t worry about
Another thing that has greatly helped me with worry is, understanding that the “how” is not my business.
When we start worrying about how we will solve the problems we have or how we will build the lives we dream of, negativity usually follows.
The reason being that, whatever you have managed to come up with will 99% of the time not work as planned.
Instead of trying to plan out how, focus on action.
Focus on what you can do today and leave the ‘HOW’ to the universe, ask for help and believe you have received and then, go and do what you can do.
“The how is not our business, action is”. The how is the business of the universe”
4. Avoid burnout:
Every single time I am burnt out, I find positivity disappears.
Burnout comes with drainage of energy and an inability to take action which in turn makes me feel like shit.
This is why no matter what, I try to avoid burn out. I go to bed on or before 12:00am every morning. I also take breaks when I know I need it.
For example, I have been working 12 hours -14 hours straight for the last 3 days, yesterday; I just felt I needed a break. I spent 4 hours watching John Wick and Bad boys11 on cable TV with my siblings.
Burn-out is the enemy of positivity
5. Apply gratitude
whenever things don’t go as planned, I no longer go on a rant about how things never go like I planned them to or start feeling sorry for myself.
I simply tell myself “someone has it worse than I do”, someone just found out they had cancer, someone just died, someone just declared bankruptcy and has lost their homes.
There will always be someone who has it worse than I do and so, I thank the universe and I keep moving.
I also sometimes apply the Oprah gratitude list. I write down 5 things I am genuinely grateful for.
I spoke to my very negative younger brother a couple of weeks ago and when I asked him “what are you grateful for?”, he said “nothing” and it got clearer to me the difference between positive and negative people.
6. Practice conscious correction
As you consciously do this, you are teaching your mind the thought to have and training it to hold positive over negative ones.
7. Practice self talk during meditation
I don’t mean the sit down with your legs folded and hands placed on you folded knees.
I mean any way you meditate and if you don’t meditate, take out 15 minutes of your day, go to a corner, close your eyes and just focus on saying to yourself all the things you want to be .
For example “I am powerful”. I am healthy. I am successful. I am growing into a more positive person, II attract great things around me” e.t.c
Again, this is you teaching your conscious and sub-conscious mind the kind of thoughts to have.
Do not when doing this think in the negative. Do not say “I am not a negative person” or “I am not a poor person”. That is just you focusing on the things you don’t want.
8. Mind your perspective
There are a million ways to look at something and even when things are bad, there is also some good no matter how little coming from it.
What are you always looking at?
A couple of days ago, my iphone screen cracked and I was pissed off by it.
As I started fussing, one of the things that got me out of it is that it cracked by my front camera was still working and my viewing area wasn’t so bad.
This meant I could still work as I do a ton of my work on my laptop and phone.
I thought to myself “Thank God that even though it cracked, it didn’t go black or ruin my camera, I could still work”.
What are you looking at in tough situations?
9. Mind your language
Note that as I talk about my process of healing when it comes to positivity, I have only mentioned negativity a few times and when I mention anything regarding it I say used to”.
Instead of saying “I am struggling within negativity” or “I am a negative person”, say “I am becoming a more positive person”. “I used to struggle with negativity”.
Remember that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth says things and so, if you continue to say you are a negative person, it means you still think you are negative.
Even if you relapse, it doesn’t mean you are still negative, it just means you are “becoming” a more positive person and that process takes time.
10. Make plans into learning experiences
But, the thing with being realists is that you tend to think “this may not work” “what are the odds they choose us?” “we are the least qualified here, why would they hire us”.
A cure to this would be “treat such situations like an experiment. Have the attitude of “it may work, it may not work and whatever happen I will learn and keep growing;’.
I will also call this having no expectations and just turning every experience into a learning one.
I hope this have been helpful in some way.