How To Know When a Relationship ( Platonic Or Romantic Is Right For Us7 min read

Reading Time: 6 minutes

I was raised by a single father

I was 9,10 when my mom had to leave. I used to be very mad at her for leaving.

Now, as an adult woman in a patriarchal society, I completely understand her decision

The last time we spoke she asked me “ Diamond what would you have had me do, Die?”

This story though isn’t about my mom or their very turbulent 11 years of marriage

This is about my Dad and what he would go on to do after this incident

You see, my father had a very clear view of what he wanted his family to be like

He had always pictured kids running around in bikes, living in this huge compound with a white fence, traveling abroad and back and just chopping life

Most of it happened ( not the abroad part o, I am yet to see the horders of Ghana 🙂)

But the rest of it.

We lived in a house with a big compound and we were one of the richest kids in school

But, my fathers dream family would change after my mom up and left

He didn’t even have the space to grief the break up. He was left with 4 kids to raise with the last being 3

His father and family members would begin to ask him when he will re-marry. They even went as far as getting wife candidates for him

I would always organize my siblings to fight off any person trying to “replace” mom and spend my nights hoping she will come home

She didn’t

My life though would change one evening when I and my dad were talking and he looks at me and says“ I am not re-marrying, I have been through a situation like this and I want a better experience for you so, I promise you that I won’t re-marry. I will wait till you are old enough to pick a wife for me”

As I type this, tears well up in my eyes in memory of this man but I continue

I was a child, what did I know but for some reason, I felt calm and knew he was telling the truth

For the next 6-7 years , it would be 1 , my Dad and my three siblings

He would sometimes hire a governess, call a friend or one of my aunties to stay with us when he was away at work

Call us everyday and when he was around, he would make sure to try catching up

2 years after the divorce, my Dad had a stroke

I still remember people carrying him down the stairs and tears roll down my eyes watching this hero of a man reduced to someone I could barely recognize

I would also go on to watch my Dad go through hell and high water just so he will be alive for us

He travelled to Eza in my village where they would locally try to treat his stroke

Then to Asaba and home to the local medicine man ( Not native doctor o 🙂) who would come, use razor blades to tear him from head to toe and apply local medicine that will wake up his nerves

And every time he would say “ I want to be alive for my children, if I die…”

Shit, these tears…

Anyways, my Dad fought this thing for us and would even take jobs at the time less than what he was being paid when he was healthy just to put food on the table for us

Growing up, I would find holes in his trouser and sew them up

He was too busy trying to cloth us, feed us , pay for school fees to worry about his own looks and for years, I do not remember this man buying a single outfit for himself

During this time, I and him would become best friends

He told tell me everything about most things and I same

We talked about sex, politics , marriage, feminism, sports, all of it

I remember staying up with him till 2:00am , laughing so hard cause we were talking of one his new girlfriends

The issue of course being they all wanted marriage and dad didn’t.

The gist could also be about one of our neighbors or just something

He is till today the only one that can make me fall on the ground and laugh for hours

One time, we would bet that this particular over nice girlfriend of his, I will call her “Miss A” didn’t want marriage

I was now a teenager and would bet Dad 1k that she does

I won 😀.

That day I purposely got into a fight with her and said “ My dad isn’t marrying anyone any time soon”

Hanty blew up and started saying how we were selfish and didn’t want him to marry again

At this time, I was like 15/16

My father just sat there cutting me eye 😀

She banged the door and left when he wouldn’t say anything to defend her

After she left, the man didn’t give me my 1k 🙄 but, we would spend the whole afternoon talking and he would share his disbelief that she wanted marriage cause she has been claiming “my mind is not there”🙂

He would then teach me to Alyssa say what I want and understand that “when a man tells you what he wants directly or in-directly, best believe him”

He would also teach me “ Diamond, you can’t change people, do not every marry anyone in hopes of changing them”

My Dad was and still is my best friend.

Having a torn marriage made him see his flaws as a husband in his own marriage and he always shared them with me so I don’t make thesame mistakes

“Diamond, never settle, you can compromise but you never settle “

“Deemond, the person you choose to marry can make or mare you”

“Diamond, you are beautiful, I want you to always remember this and know I love you. I will give the work some for you. Let no man entice you with these”

His famous advise to young men “ Never pick a wife because she can cook and clean. If you place this as an ad, such women will line up all the way. These aren’t what make a woman “wife” material” 🙂

The most endearing part of I and my Dad’s relationship is why I am writing this article, not mainly these points

The most endearing part is this “ I always felt at peace with my Dad”

I didn’t feel like I had to be perfect

I didn’t feel scared like most of my mates were of their parents especially of their fathers

I never felt demeaned or small or “like a child”

Hell, I didn’t even call him SIR, it was always papito or Dadiso

When I would make stupid mistakes and be trembling in fear, he will step in and instead of tear me down , point out my flaws while building me up

I never felt like I had to meet his expectations or loose his love

I always felt completely at peace and empowered and seen

The way my father treated me has become the basis on which I treat people close to me and on which I know what LOVE is

I feel this peace too with my sister

It is the kind of peace you experience when you are loved and accepted with ZERO condition

How all this one take concern you? 🙂

Because, If our relationship with family or friends or someone we want to bring into our life doesn’t have this sense of peace attached to it, leave them as an acquaintance , work friend or casual friend

Our relationships with the people in our inner circle be it romantic partners or close friends should always be characterized by this level of peace

By their ability to call you out on your B.S without tearing you down, love you both when you do good and when you mess up , accept , respect and uplift you when you need friends to hold you up

True friendship be it in platonic or romantic friendship should always be characterized by a deep sense of inner peace

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